How the “no, you go” culture of the PNW is actually both disrespectful and potentially dangerous!

Op-ed dated 10/11/2025

I know. I speak heresy. How can being nice to other drivers possibly be disrespectful or dangerous? Well, I am here to tell you it is not just possible, it is very likely. Think back on the last week or driving or so. I am sure you can recall a situation where the “no, you go” has been engaged in with relish or even zealously. I see it happen most often at a four-way stop intersection. Let’s run through a situation that happened to me recently.

So, you pull up to the stop sign and the person on your right (who got there first) chooses not to step on the gas and take their rightful and legal turn. Instead, they wave with their special hand signal that clearly states, “even though it is my turn, I am forfeiting my turn to let you go first”. The classic, “no, you go” cultural ritual that take place all across the PNW. So, they foolishly grin at you and wave you on, trying to get you to go out of turn. To which I always respond back with a wave of my own to encourage them to take their actual, legal (and perhaps god-granted) turn! To which they of course respond back with an even more urgent wave and a grin that is now rapidly devolving into something more feral.

You see where this is going right? Meanwhile, the time we have taken to do the “no, you go” ritual has taken precious minutes of our lifespan and seriously angered all ten of the non-PNW drivers behind me. At least one, maybe two of those drivers at my back are legit New York automotive operations – also known as hitmen. And these hitmen have zero patience. They will immediately start blowing their horns and possibly adding some colorful gestures and words. This behavior translates in New York to “move your vehicle now or I start breaking headlight!”. I say New York because aggressive drivers are only from New York and California and occasionally from Port St. Joe, Florida. And since I’m from Cali, they are definitely New York drivers!

So, here we are at an impasse at a four-way stop - supposedly one of the easiest intersections to navigate (according to my drivers ed handbook – or maybe it was my girl scout handbook) but either way, very definitely easy. As long as everyone does their part and follows the rules. But no! Here in the PNW, those easy-to-follow rules are thrown right out the window on the regular. And my day quickly descends into chaos and potentially an insurance claim. What if one of us misreads the signal, jumps the gun and we both take our turn at the same time? Embracing in the middle of the intersection in a two-vehicle, full contact “hug”?

How can this happen, you ask? Well, I will tell you. There is a second kind gesture associate with the “no, you go” ritual, which is the acknowledgement wave. This wave, while very similar to the “no, you go” wave is a gesture that translates to “ok, thank you very much, I’ll go” wave. It also comes with its own silly, near foolish grin, and so is near indistinguishable from the “no, you go” signal. And this is how a nice and well-intentioned gesture can quickly descend into confusion and two hours waiting for city police to show up. Public service announcement – in the City of Seattle, if the accident is minor (doesn’t meet a certain threshold for injury or damage), they may not dispatch an officer. Instead, you get to exchange information with the other driver and fill out your own Motor Vehicle Collison Report within four days of said event.

Or, what if the enforcer guy from New York decides he’s had enough, and drives up on the curb to go around, accidentally fender tapping an elderly person in a walker? In case you are thinking this surely could not happen, I’ve seen crazier. So, you see, what starts off as a nice warm and fuzzy gesture can quickly turn dark side.

Still not convinced? Okay, here’s another brain bender for your consideration. Picture this – there are two lanes of traffic flowing in opposite directions winding through a suburban business center where there are lovely little consumer ports of call on either side. Now in this scenario, the driver ahead of me wants to pull into a rather small and awkwardly shaped parking lot. Bu-uuut, another driver sitting in their car in said lot, decides this is the perfect time to back out. No looking over the shoulder or waiting their turn – i.e. when it is clear for them to back out. Nope, the drivers ed handbook rules have long been forgotten. They just gas it and hope no one is behind them. Or worse, they believe that whoever might be cursed to be behind them at the moment they want to depart, will just have to wait for them. Because, you know, they are more special than their fellow drivers. Ok, ok I feel a little road rage monster starting to tickle the back of my throat and my “hi, how are you” finger is twitching, so we’ll save that little gem for another story.

So, the driver ahead of me sees the reverse light pop on from the parked car and impulsively but compassionately decides to do them a solid and let them back out. Now, mind you, they had to stomp on their brakes a bit to give them plenty of room to back out. And they also stopped in the main road, blocking all drivers behind them. They all get to come to a grinding halt – whether or not they want to.

So, I would like to suggest that this situation is both insulting and dangerous. The insult is that they think they are just doing a little nicety and helping out their fellow travelers. Just doling out their daily dose of human kindness. But they are not thinking of the dozens of now stranded and seriously pissed off mafia chauffeurs behind them. We all now have to join in their vehicle kumbaya. No consideration given to our time or priorities whatsoever. And this is also a pretty dangerous situation, because anytime you require drivers to stop in a very short amount of time with no warning is getting more and more unreasonable in the age of distracted driving.

So, next time one of you all want to engage in the great PNW tradition of “no, you go”, please, please consider that there could be a dark side. Stay in the light, eh?